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The following was a reaction to a bulletin in my Friendster account regarding the incidences of car-napping incidences in and around the tri-subdivision area of St. Francis, St. Michael and Meralco Village. Several houses away, a neighbor’s Starex van (just bought) was taken at gun-point. The crimes prompted the neighbors in our street to build gates at both ends of the street that regularly opened and closed at designated times.

Although, I don’t deny the incidents of robberies, I’ve been living in the St. Francis / St. Michael / Meralco vicinity for almost four decades and I have yet to be victimized. The closest thing to a robbery for me was when a kid tried to steal my rusty old bike as I was looking at him do it. I just picked up the bike — along with the kid hanging onto it — claiming it was his (yeah, right).

Anyway, in the almost forty years I’ve been here I’ve come up with several tips for anyone living in St. Francis / St. Michael / Meralco to avoid being victimized by robbers:

1.) To avoid cell phone snatchings — sell your N95s, N75s, N90s and other cell phones you’ve bought in the last five years. Use a 5110 or a 3210 instead. Why? Not only are they practically worthless, you can use them to slam any would-be snatcher. The robber might not even recover from the one-ton cell phone you smash him with. Additionally, I’m volunteering to accept all your Nokia N90s, N95s and N75s. Believe me, I don’t want to, but I want to help you so I’m doing this sacrifice. I also accept Sony, Motorola, 02 or any phones that cost P40,000.00 and above.

2.) To avoid your car being stolen — sell your cars and settle for a 1980s box type car that doesn’t have gas, oil or has a flat tire. Why? No self-respecting car-napper would waste their time trying to jack a car that would be more harm than good. They don’t dig cars that would be Gone in 60 Hours. Basically, stop impressing your neighbors with your gas-guzzling SUVs, sports cars and other toys for the big brats. We simple pedestrians are not impressed. Besides, riding an FX shuttle is more eco-friendly than riding alone. If you work in Makati, like my sister, just avail of the many shuttle services we have here in the tri-village area. It’s carnap-proof, it’s eco-friendly, you save money paying the PNCC toll fee and you can sleep when you go to work or go home. It’s so practical I don’t know why this solution isn’t so obvious.

3.) To avoid being harassed or robbed in the village — STAY HOME! Try tapering off the gimik nights and, thus, save money. Then you can donate that money to some other person who gives advice over the web on how not to be robbed in St. Francis – St. Michael – Meralco. Sounds familiar?

4.) To avoid getting your house robbed — GET A DOG! Not a Rotweiller or any large dog that costs twice your annual salary. Just a noisy askal will do. Besides being practically cheap to buy (we bought ours at P500.00 in Escolta) and cheap to maintain, askal dogs are more resilient to diseases and to the dreaded AJINOMOTO sandwich thrown by prospective robbers. The AJINOMOTO sandwich might kill them, too but my officemate did it to one of her dogs which is an askal and the thing is still alive! Go dog!

5.) Pray.

I hope this helps. I’m sure there will still be more crimes committed because the key word here in Ada’s report is that people essentially are either afraid or don’t care. That attitude is more dangerous than the crime itself.

The day we start being afraid and stop caring for our neighbors is the day we let the criminals win.

My father is retired from being a Public Utility Jeepney driver. A lot of our friends from Christ Enthroned Church – Meycauayan have been telling us that my father — Jimmy Daga Anzures — looks like Pope Benedict XVI.

I think it’s because of the hair, or the fact that he has deep-set eyes. Or the fact that he thinks that he owns the Vatican. Come to think of it, it’s kinda cool to have a Pope in the house. You can request him to suspend a day for a saint’s birthday.

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He’s been very supportive of the whole family. For me, he’s been my constant companion when I’m participating in a contest or a project. We often go out together (our own version of Boy’s Day Out) to Ma Mon Luk or watch movies (our last one was Alien vs. Predator). In church, he’s one of the ushers and he’s very dedicated to his ministry. Few people believe the family when we tell them that he cooks, washes the dog, washes our clothes, cleans the house and tends the plants. So, does he look like the man in the Vatican?

Well, you be the judge.